After a long time I am coming back here and writing something. Today I wasn't feeling too good since morning. There was something within me that was pinching me hard and that was the feeling of being lonely - empty both from within and from the world. It looked like though on paper I had everything but in realty there was nothing in store for me. Everyone is busy in their own lives and I don't have a place in anyone's life - not even those who are part of my life. The best excuse that everyone gives is I was just remembering you, but that never translates into calls or words. The whole day goes by with me thinking that, yes someone will talk to me but it does not happen. When I give people a call they are busy and would call me later, but again that never happens. Your friends forget you, even when you are right in front of them. That really makes me think - am I so inconspicuous that people fail to notice me or I don't have any value in anyone's life.
Whatever may be the reason the end result is the same - I am standing at an isolated spot in life that is surrounded by people for whom I may or may not exist it does not matter. This is the worst cross road of life when you fail to know what really matters and who really matter. Is life so lonely - then I am really afraid of it? The only thing that remains in me is the pain, rest everything is gone. The pain that I had harbored over the years with the hope that one day it would subside, but again and again it rears its ugly head upwards. Though the heart bleeds but now the eyes are devoid of any emotion, or I am desperately trying not to show my emotions through the eyes. The reasons could be numerous and diverse, but life is just one. This one life is my life and I am still trying to fend of the feeling of loneliness but alas why do I always fail, or better still I just stick to my old friends - my books and blog, which at least don't have any expectations and are there with you till the very end of life.
I never try to sound so depressing but today, its more about letting the feelings out, at least the smile that I have on my face could be then said to be real rather than a pasted one.
Yours lonely
Manish
Whatever may be the reason the end result is the same - I am standing at an isolated spot in life that is surrounded by people for whom I may or may not exist it does not matter. This is the worst cross road of life when you fail to know what really matters and who really matter. Is life so lonely - then I am really afraid of it? The only thing that remains in me is the pain, rest everything is gone. The pain that I had harbored over the years with the hope that one day it would subside, but again and again it rears its ugly head upwards. Though the heart bleeds but now the eyes are devoid of any emotion, or I am desperately trying not to show my emotions through the eyes. The reasons could be numerous and diverse, but life is just one. This one life is my life and I am still trying to fend of the feeling of loneliness but alas why do I always fail, or better still I just stick to my old friends - my books and blog, which at least don't have any expectations and are there with you till the very end of life.
I never try to sound so depressing but today, its more about letting the feelings out, at least the smile that I have on my face could be then said to be real rather than a pasted one.
Yours lonely
Manish
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