Trying to pen down the feelings...

When I woke up in the morning, I did not feel fresh, though after having a good sleep one does feel so. The head was heavy and heart was gloomy that's the realization that life is not going smoothly. The morning sun looked like a ball of fire burning all my desires. Already have seen so much so go in life that now there are tears in eyes but they are silent. Its just that the heart feels the pinch, I won't even say pain as there is not much left there now. Three weeks back I was very happy, so happy so that I did not know how to express the feeling but yes I was happy and more so I wanted to be happy. But I was unable to relish my happiness coz I was all alone (metaphorically speaking). There was my family around me but there was a disconnect, everyone was very happy and so was I, still I was unable to express it.

Life has changed a lot for me, so what it changes for everyone but for me its more drastic. From an ebullient person to a acerbic person that's what I have been transformed into. I try and try so as not to hurt anyone but the feeling build up so much pressure inside me that suddenly they come out like a tsunami and wash everything away. I try not to be rude to anyone but I cannot help it, even the slightest of the things irritate me so much that it hardly leaves any room for consolation to that person. I want to be happy to enjoy life but the more I try to do so the more forcefully I am thrown back leading increase in negativity within me.

I know there are people who love me but I want those who understand me. Understand who I truly am, understand my feelings, understand me and my life. It is not a one way traffic, even I will try and do the same but atleast do provide some comfort to me. Life is aging at a rapid pace though life is at standstill.

Whatever is now left of me, just want to gather that and try and be a amiable person rather than an acerbic one.

Too many thoughts too few words is the condition now... but yes from now on will try and keep this place updated.

Thanks for hearing me out....