Movies, Masti and Maggie

As always I amback after a long time, but this time I intend to stay here for quite a while. Its been 4 months now in Kozhikode and still everyday I feel I am new to this place. Somehow this place cant get itself into my mind ;)
The same ol' MBA routine out here... " Movies, Masti and Maggie "
The life is a bit of strange here... lots of things to do and still you feel you have lots of time with you... hard to imagine that doing an MBA and you are not busy as such... although for the world you are very busy ;) nahi toh MBA mein jaane ka fayad kya hua....
Its 2.47 at night and I have an exam day after tomorrow.. but yaar padhne ka mann he nahi kar raha hai... lots of things to do... par saala dimag nahi chal rela hai....
I have all the books nealty stacked up... so that I can find them at one place whenever I want them ( this never happens though ) life aise he chalti hai.... kabhi khushi to kabhi exam....
par kuch bhi ho.. kabhi na badlenge hum :)

Have a great time and enjoy your life...
Cheers
Manish :)

Life Colorless...

Its been a more than 3 months of my stay in IIM K... life here is good, but still am not able to get on grasps with it... still have the feeling of being lost or left out... there are so many of things happening out here but I dont know what to do where to talk... life somtimes becomes so difficult that I am not able to breathe also... Its been a long time since I had last blogged but today to be very honest, I just wanted to pour out my frustrations and everything that was inside me and was burning me to hell... in past few months I have completely lost out myself and thats making me more and more isolated in this world... earlier life was a bit better but here I am just a lonely soul... the best part there are many people in my life and still I have no one to share my heart with.. as those who matter dont have time for me... Never knew that life could be so bad everytime I think about it.. its like that nothing could be worse than this but the more I think so.. the bigger is the surprise for me. Its like don't underestimate me I can turn from bad to ugly in jiffy...
You know I just want to pour out everything but cant do that, I dont know whats pulling me back.. but whatever it is I just dont want to be suffocated... its heart wrenching... there are so many colors of life.. but why are they far from me... well still life goes on... be it lonely or be it sad.. be it worse or be it bad.. at the end its my life... its what I have...

Searching...

"Har lamhe mein chahat hai, Har chahat mein hai khushi,
Jo mil gayi woh hai hamari, jo na mil woh thi he nahi..."

I always wonder what do I want and what do life wants from me, but whenever I sit and contemplate the issue, I am left staring at a blank wall. I dont know where to go or where I am leading myself. Its my destiny leading me or I am shaping my destiny... lots of questions remain unanswared but more questions keep coming... I dont know the answers but am desperately trying to find some... I dont know myself... I am I someone or am I None...

Lethargic...

Time is moving at its own slow pace... but I am moving more slowly than time... I dont know what has crept into me but I am unable to make sense of anything thats goin around me... It all seems too much far off from me.. as though I was never a part of it... life seems to be too busy to take notice of me.. I dont know who I am .. I dont know where I am heading.. I dont know myself... I am lost... I am alone.. I am not what I am...

Has everything come to a Halt...

Its been a long time since I have been here... Lots have changed since then... once cheerful and happy Manish is lost... have been trying to search him for long but cannot find him... For past couple of months I have been trying real hard to come to terms to myself but alas, all the effort goes in vain... Have completely lost myself... once upon a time, I used to love bloggin, but as times change, the art of writing left me... It used to be so much of fun to jot down my thoughts, so relaxing and refreshing.. but with the passage of time... I have completely lost myself... It really looks like that everything has come to an halt...
Got to make the things moving...
God bless each one of us..

In search..
Manish

Can't write...

Zindagi kaisi hai paheli...

Order...

Order is what that has evaded me for quite a long time... Its the one thing that I must say is quite difficult for me to have in practical life... my whole life is inordered... my time is scattered (now now don't think too much bout how time is scattered.. ;) ), my life is scattered.. and even sometimes my hair is disordered ;)
How much you like to take life on the way you like.. and how much life listens to you depends upon your relationship with life. I may be a carefree bird but deep inside I am too much insecure... I may be living two lives in a single lifespan... I did have a ordered life.. but inside I am scattered... Its the level of truth between me and my life that makes things to be iin order or not... What lies beneath me has to be ordered.. all the physical things cease to be ordered... when mentally you are inordered... when you are in a turmoil... all the surroundings cease to exist... I may say order has evaded me for long... but for me my surroundings are pleasant and happy...

Confused and conflicting life...

Life has moved a lot since the last time I had jotted down something here... Had been a bumpy ride during the period. Few nice things, few ugly things.... kuch bhi samajh nahi aa raha tha ki lif emein chal kya raha hai.... shayad the fight was within me and I dont think it still has yet subsided... but haan ab phir bhi kaafi thek hai.. atleast am at more peace compared to last time..
abhi shayad apne aap ko poora express nahi kar paun.. but yup will do tht later on.. bbye tc..

Is it too slow or is it too fast...

For quite a few days I was in the dilemma for last few weeks, so as to where my life was leading me... there was no clarity to be seen any where. I was completely lost... but now the haze looks like moving over and a picture emerging from it... though i may not be as bright as ppl say but yup.. somethings are here to stay.. I knw now what I have to do... few things can make you or break you.. .there were things that broke me.. now its the time for the making to b done....
so ppl watcha here come a new dawn.. a new day... that will mark the beginning of a new career for me... may god bless me in my endeavour....
take care ppl
bbye
urs
Manish

January gone...

Life is going on slow pace. January has gone and still no clue to what is goin on. I have left mannier things behind but still clinging to them. Lifes tryin to take a full circle but its not able to do..
What is goin around not able to make a head or tail of it. But its happening to make it happen. Trying to clear a lot of cowebs but still lot to do....
lets see where it takes me and what will I do....