Putting into order my inordered life...

Har Kahani ka ek annt hota hai...

2011-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

Shuru hui thi jo kahani do saal pehele, aaj ho gayi hai khatam.

June 2009, I came to this place called Campus err "Kampus", yes here everything starts with a "K" and still its not a Balaji Soap :P
The day I landed on Kozhikode airport, I was still apprehensive about the life that was about to unfurl in front of me - MBA life at Indian Institute of Management Kozhikode. There were a lot many people like me on the airport and most of us were unsure of what was about to come. From the first day till today, a lot has changed in life. From the unknown stranger to a family - it has been a long way, which now feels as if it was just yesterday that we all came to this place.
I am still confused about the feelings pent up inside me, am I happy or sad or feeling less or again confused :O , I am not sure.
Life has again come a full circle for me - started from corporate to studies and back to corporate, then why is the uneasy feeling inside me. Initially, I was happy to be leaving this place but now why am I feeling as something being lost???
What is it that is pulling me and I am not able to grasp it?
Life is name of moving forward but what do I have, what is mine? I still haven't got the answer.

As I remember the saying - "All good things come to an end", maybe that's the reason. Hoping for a good chapter in life is waiting for me to read it...
God bless me... God Bless us all...
Luv everyone
Manish

Loneliness...

2011-01-14T11:32:00.000-08:00

After a long time I am coming back here and writing something. Today I wasn't feeling too good since morning. There was something within me that was pinching me hard and that was the feeling of being lonely - empty both from within and from the world. It looked like though on paper I had everything but in realty there was nothing in store for me. Everyone is busy in their own lives and I don't have a place in anyone's life - not even those who are part of my life. The best excuse that everyone gives is I was just remembering you, but that never translates into calls or words. The whole day goes by with me thinking that, yes someone will talk to me but it does not happen. When I give people a call they are busy and would call me later, but again that never happens. Your friends forget you, even when you are right in front of them. That really makes me think - am I so inconspicuous that people fail to notice me or I don't have any value in anyone's life.
Whatever may be the reason the end result is the same - I am standing at an isolated spot in life that is surrounded by people for whom I may or may not exist it does not matter. This is the worst cross road of life when you fail to know what really matters and who really matter. Is life so lonely - then I am really afraid of it? The only thing that remains in me is the pain, rest everything is gone. The pain that I had harbored over the years with the hope that one day it would subside, but again and again it rears its ugly head upwards. Though the heart bleeds but now the eyes are devoid of any emotion, or I am desperately trying not to show my emotions through the eyes. The reasons could be numerous and diverse, but life is just one. This one life is my life and I am still trying to fend of the feeling of loneliness but alas why do I always fail, or better still I just stick to my old friends - my books and blog, which at least don't have any expectations and are there with you till the very end of life.
I never try to sound so depressing but today, its more about letting the feelings out, at least the smile that I have on my face could be then said to be real rather than a pasted one.
Yours lonely
Manish

Inner Dilemma

2010-10-14T12:47:00.000-07:00

This space has been silent for quite some time, but what could I do - I was not able to pen down anything. It was not like that there was dearth of thoughts. It was more subtle, there was something inside me that was pulling me back again and again. The internal fight that you could say was tearing me apart. Something was building inside me but it was not coming out or I was not letting it go. Today I finally decided that its time that at least I try out to let the feeling go. What are those feeling I don't know, but I submit myself to the inner instincts and let the hands play on the keypad. The result may be or may not be good, but at least I think it would lighten my burden. After a long time I am still in a dilemma, do I yearn for good work or do I yearn for recognition or is it something else. Even when you have all the things why is it so that something keeps on nagging you. Why can't one have satisfaction? This is the real question in life. Why is self satisfaction so hard to achieve.
I am still in dilemma but a little better than before.
Thanks

Manish

What is happening?...

2010-08-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

Life has been a bit strange for a past few days. Everything thing around me looks good but then I like it and I am indifferent to it at the same time. What has befallen upon me is still unknown to me. Has the hectic past few days have taken their toll on me - which is highly unlikely in my case or in realty I don't want to accept that "Yes, I am vulnerable". Whatever may be the case, my eyes seem to have lost the warmth of feelings. It looks like everything is devoid of the same thing - feeling and warmth.
From dawn to dusk, all I do is roam around like I am lost. But the basic question remains - Am I lost or Have I lost it? :)
That's the stupid grin I pose with throughout the day feeling like "what the heck is happening around me, I am above all this". All the thoughts are jumbled up and the same way they are coming on the screen, lolz. Again the same stupid laugh.
"Putting into order my inordered life" but what is inordered and what is oredered with me i still the same question for which I am at loss. Loss of words and loss of feelings. Loss of self and loss of meaning. Waiting for what is going to happen and lost in the world within myself with or without meaning...

Wanting to get lost in the crowd...

2010-07-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

It looks like its been ages when I last talked to myself. I was trying to keep myself busy so that I don't get to talk to myself. But why is it so? Have I ever wondered what I was and what I am becoming.
The silence within me is turning into cacophony. The tranquility of still waters is being invaded by a tsunami. Still I am turning a blind eye to all of them. Again the same question Why? Why is it to that I am trying to avoid. What is it that I fear so much. Where has that Manish gone who used to fight for reason, who had a logic, who searched the soul.
All the world is marching but I am standing still rooted to a single point. Everybody has gone ahead then what I am clinging to? With all the ropes of hopes gone, nobody around to share and laugh. The friends for life are nowhere to be seen or is that I am turning blind. I know I am at fault many times but not always then why is it I am left again and again. The heart cringes at every memory with the bleeding that has turned dry. No more tears are left within me, but still I want to cry. A hope that I nourish every day in and out to become someone and to stand within friends family and crowd. All I have left is a deserted look with a emptiness so profound that its hard to hear myself or a friendly sound. It looks like that I am losing all, with standing alone without a soul.
I started as a journey saying that I was lost in the crowd, its that phase I am passing through where there is only me but no crowd. All the helping hands are at bay waving a goodbye, all I want is someone to talk to, someone to say just a simple "Hi"

Wanting to get lost... get lost in the crowd...
Manish

(image courtsey: http://fineartamerica.com)

A dull beginning to an exciting year ???

2010-06-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Hurrah!!! I am in second year; touted to be a rocking year. But what's this such a dull starting to such a great (read anticipated ???) year. The whole of the week went by with nothing great to write about. No classes as such, no outing nothing and add to the top of that - I am missing my beloved. Thats sad na :( I know. Still thinking about the unknown and hazy. Life sounds a bit dull and lazy but I am trying to brighten up things at the moment so lets see where do I land up and Does this year really turn out to be as memorable as thought so.
Will keep you posted.
Till then sayonara

Hum toh aise hai bhaiya...

2010-03-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Classes mein sona, raat ko dekhna movie aur karna poore time masti yahi hai zindagi... Bahut time ho gaya tha kuch naya kare huye.. so aaj maine sirf aadhi class he attend ki :D phir thoda nahar ghooma, then friends ko kiya thoda pareshan aur dopahar mein kiya maine aaram. Fin ki class mein toh amazing thi, main tha class ke ander aur dimag tha bahar, sir ke meri taraf dekha toh sar hila diya ki "I understood", woh baat alag hai ki kuch samajh mein aaya aur thoda padosi ne samjhaya baaki maine nahi samajhna beheter paya. Par aa din toh tha kuch alag, phir kya tha shaam ko karne nikal gaya jogging friend ke saath raste mein socha ki koi naya route try karte hain aur ek alag raste pe chale gaye, bahut mazaa ayaa but waat lag gayi (actually route bahut he lamba tha) return mein college ki bus se wapas aaye :P
khair abhi tak toh yahi kiya hai, dekho aaj aur koi dhamaka hota hai kya.
:)
Manish

Kampus...

2010-03-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hi,
I am not feeling good at the moment, just want to cry my heart out. A lot of things are going about and I am just not into them. Life is looking like being alone everywhere you are, friends are there still you are alone. Don't know what to do, where to go.

Lots of feelings trying to burst out... but anyway just wanted to post few pics of Kampus at night.

Lost n lonely
Manish

Revising 3 Idiots...

2010-03-03T13:59:00.000-08:00

"Saari umrr hum mar marke ji liye
ik pal toh abb hamein jine do, jine do

give me some sunshine, give me some rain
give me another chance i wanna grow up once again"

Yesterday I had watched the movie "3 idiots" again, something in the movie always made me think is life really what we want or is it what it becomes. We all are running the rat race to score the best and leave behind the rest.
I came to this point because of an event that happened today - we were to select the subjects that we wanted in 2nd year of our course at Kozhikode. The wierd thing about the selection process is that not everyone would have the subjects of their interest, one who scored maximum grades in 1st year gets maximum points to bid. Result the rat race continues, some get the subjects of their choice while other lag behind. Another interesting phenomenon that came to light was, how easily we adopt ourselves to the money matters. We don't see that we have any specific interest in any area or not, it like the area that has got the maximum paying job, I would take that as my specialisation.
Did we ever realise what are we making of ourselves - a machine. That machine which only sees money. We don't realise that we can excel in other areas also but its the lure of greenback that attracts us like a magnet.
It was due to this incident that I realised what the movie potrayed about the system was not wrong. The pressure is intense to excel Why??? because you are the best and competing against the best brains in the country. But once I would like each one of us to ask a simple question is it worth the price we all are paying or its just the way of life??

* 3 idiots and the lyrics are copyrights of respective owners

Holi...

2010-02-27T21:23:00.000-08:00

The days were still sweet, when the innocence was still there, it used to fun being with everyone nad celebrating all te festivals. Today its holi and still there is not much feeling inside. Why is it so? Has the world corrupted me of my feelings or I am too much mired in the ways of the world where I have lost myself. There is huge unrest within me and that is making me feel worse and worse. I know its a beautiful day but there is something missing which is making me go mad. Hoping to find the way in the darkness of the world.

Hectic...

2009-12-13T10:39:00.001-08:00

Phew... last week was really hectic.. the first week that I can really say that made life at K challenging ;) seriously yaar not joking. Had loads of work, coupled with scores of classes and to add to the topping a few quizzes, so all in all had a wonderful ass kicking week. So in the end wht??? Its more of sweet time after a hectic day we all relax so thats what I am doing now. Trying to make up my mind when to start studying for the final terms to start next week... if anybody got an idea what should be the right time please let me know :)
Take care
Urs
Manish

Life @ K...

2009-11-28T22:55:00.000-08:00

How trivial is the title - Life @ K...

But still I found it to be the best one for this post... why so.. don't ask me but just keep on reading and find out the reason, and if you find none its not my fault ;) ... its been a long winter out there but still no sign of cold breeze out here... its pleasant and fun to be here... I am now into the end of my 5th months stay here and still I think am new here as well as this place belongs to me, its this dual feeling that keeps me going. People say life tough in a B-school but for me its just the opposite, its more of fun than being tough, why I am saying this you would come to know soon. Life @ K for me is in real sense... Movies Masti and Maggie...
In the last 4-5 months I have seen so many movies, more than that I have seen in the last couple of years... I don't study so full time its masti for me... and as usual its the staple hostlers diet - Maggie @ 3 in night... Sounds hard to believe that even in IIM you get time for timepas, even I am surprised on that aspect. My first term was a bit of acclimatising to the people, climate and myself (even you do change when you change your location ;) ). Life at that time was a bit dull and depressing for me, coz it was raining all the time and I don't like rains that much, but later on its was all this that makes you like this place. Now it all feels so much a part of me and I feel great to be a part of it...
Well, am tired of writing so much ;), so more on a later date till then have a great time and be with me...

I am also putting some pictures have a look at God's Own Kampus :)

Diwali @ K

Kampus ( more of a resort)

Trekking at Wayanad

Kampus at Dusk

Kampus - Path to success ;)

Movies, Masti and Maggie

2009-11-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

As always I amback after a long time, but this time I intend to stay here for quite a while. Its been 4 months now in Kozhikode and still everyday I feel I am new to this place. Somehow this place cant get itself into my mind ;)
The same ol' MBA routine out here... " Movies, Masti and Maggie "
The life is a bit of strange here... lots of things to do and still you feel you have lots of time with you... hard to imagine that doing an MBA and you are not busy as such... although for the world you are very busy ;) nahi toh MBA mein jaane ka fayad kya hua....
Its 2.47 at night and I have an exam day after tomorrow.. but yaar padhne ka mann he nahi kar raha hai... lots of things to do... par saala dimag nahi chal rela hai....
I have all the books nealty stacked up... so that I can find them at one place whenever I want them ( this never happens though ) life aise he chalti hai.... kabhi khushi to kabhi exam....
par kuch bhi ho.. kabhi na badlenge hum :)

Have a great time and enjoy your life...
Cheers
Manish :)

Life Colorless...

2009-10-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

Its been a more than 3 months of my stay in IIM K... life here is good, but still am not able to get on grasps with it... still have the feeling of being lost or left out... there are so many of things happening out here but I dont know what to do where to talk... life somtimes becomes so difficult that I am not able to breathe also... Its been a long time since I had last blogged but today to be very honest, I just wanted to pour out my frustrations and everything that was inside me and was burning me to hell... in past few months I have completely lost out myself and thats making me more and more isolated in this world... earlier life was a bit better but here I am just a lonely soul... the best part there are many people in my life and still I have no one to share my heart with.. as those who matter dont have time for me... Never knew that life could be so bad everytime I think about it.. its like that nothing could be worse than this but the more I think so.. the bigger is the surprise for me. Its like don't underestimate me I can turn from bad to ugly in jiffy...
You know I just want to pour out everything but cant do that, I dont know whats pulling me back.. but whatever it is I just dont want to be suffocated... its heart wrenching... there are so many colors of life.. but why are they far from me... well still life goes on... be it lonely or be it sad.. be it worse or be it bad.. at the end its my life... its what I have...

Searching...

2009-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Har lamhe mein chahat hai, Har chahat mein hai khushi,
Jo mil gayi woh hai hamari, jo na mil woh thi he nahi..."

I always wonder what do I want and what do life wants from me, but whenever I sit and contemplate the issue, I am left staring at a blank wall. I dont know where to go or where I am leading myself. Its my destiny leading me or I am shaping my destiny... lots of questions remain unanswared but more questions keep coming... I dont know the answers but am desperately trying to find some... I dont know myself... I am I someone or am I None...

Lethargic...

2009-02-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Time is moving at its own slow pace... but I am moving more slowly than time... I dont know what has crept into me but I am unable to make sense of anything thats goin around me... It all seems too much far off from me.. as though I was never a part of it... life seems to be too busy to take notice of me.. I dont know who I am .. I dont know where I am heading.. I dont know myself... I am lost... I am alone.. I am not what I am...

Has everything come to a Halt...

2008-12-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I have been here... Lots have changed since then... once cheerful and happy Manish is lost... have been trying to search him for long but cannot find him... For past couple of months I have been trying real hard to come to terms to myself but alas, all the effort goes in vain... Have completely lost myself... once upon a time, I used to love bloggin, but as times change, the art of writing left me... It used to be so much of fun to jot down my thoughts, so relaxing and refreshing.. but with the passage of time... I have completely lost myself... It really looks like that everything has come to an halt...
Got to make the things moving...
God bless each one of us..

In search..
Manish

Can't write...

2008-08-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

Zindagi kaisi hai paheli...

Order...

2008-07-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

Order is what that has evaded me for quite a long time... Its the one thing that I must say is quite difficult for me to have in practical life... my whole life is inordered... my time is scattered (now now don't think too much bout how time is scattered.. ;) ), my life is scattered.. and even sometimes my hair is disordered ;)
How much you like to take life on the way you like.. and how much life listens to you depends upon your relationship with life. I may be a carefree bird but deep inside I am too much insecure... I may be living two lives in a single lifespan... I did have a ordered life.. but inside I am scattered... Its the level of truth between me and my life that makes things to be iin order or not... What lies beneath me has to be ordered.. all the physical things cease to be ordered... when mentally you are inordered... when you are in a turmoil... all the surroundings cease to exist... I may say order has evaded me for long... but for me my surroundings are pleasant and happy...

Confused and conflicting life...

2008-05-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

Life has moved a lot since the last time I had jotted down something here... Had been a bumpy ride during the period. Few nice things, few ugly things.... kuch bhi samajh nahi aa raha tha ki lif emein chal kya raha hai.... shayad the fight was within me and I dont think it still has yet subsided... but haan ab phir bhi kaafi thek hai.. atleast am at more peace compared to last time..
abhi shayad apne aap ko poora express nahi kar paun.. but yup will do tht later on.. bbye tc..

Is it too slow or is it too fast...

2008-02-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

For quite a few days I was in the dilemma for last few weeks, so as to where my life was leading me... there was no clarity to be seen any where. I was completely lost... but now the haze looks like moving over and a picture emerging from it... though i may not be as bright as ppl say but yup.. somethings are here to stay.. I knw now what I have to do... few things can make you or break you.. .there were things that broke me.. now its the time for the making to b done....
so ppl watcha here come a new dawn.. a new day... that will mark the beginning of a new career for me... may god bless me in my endeavour....
take care ppl
bbye
urs
Manish

January gone...

2008-01-31T10:20:00.000-08:00

Life is going on slow pace. January has gone and still no clue to what is goin on. I have left mannier things behind but still clinging to them. Lifes tryin to take a full circle but its not able to do..
What is goin around not able to make a head or tail of it. But its happening to make it happen. Trying to clear a lot of cowebs but still lot to do....
lets see where it takes me and what will I do....

Happy New Year 2008...

2007-12-28T18:09:00.000-08:00

WELCOME 2008...

A year thats gone by, leaving memories here abound. Many a things had happened over time, now the times past nine. With so much to say and so little a space. All that remains are the feelings true and false. We all will welcome the new year with a new passionate and refreshed mind. Lets make a true effort to make this world a better place to live in... :)

Manish

Over with everything...

2007-11-18T00:49:00.001-08:00

Life's not as easy as it seems to be. From the onset of it, there are various problems facing life. Whatever you tend to think and do, it never happens in the way you want it to be... same's the case with my life...
Again today have failed miserably. Am i so incompetent that I cant do anything in life thats worthwhile... Because I dont believe in stars... are just the mark of fate... and fate is that what you have created yourself. So, in the end its you are to blamed and no one else. You only share the responsibility for getting the things wrong and failing in life. You are the one responsible in life for all the faith lost by people who trusted you in the first place. You are the crime and the culprit.
People say that its not your mistake but I know its all my mistake... either I did not put in my full efforts or was it my low determination that made me reach the nadir of failure. I am not a good person either, because the one who breaks the faith people have in him is not a good person. I broke everyone's faith by fairing badly in the exam. Now I realise why I have been a highly inconspicous person because I am a big failure. I cant do anything in life thats sure...
People say that sometimes things would lead you into depression but I say seeing me depression would be depressed.... hahahaha....
well have written a lot of crap..
bbye
tc

Time and life...

2007-08-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

Time just flies as they say. By the time we are able to understand our current surroundings, we are already through that part and again we find ourselves into new environment. Time keeps on changing at such a fast pace that our current pace is thus a snail in comparison to the time's pace. Just like - we experience, I experience - that, it always looks like: our good times are short as compared to our hard time. But do we ever think what makes us feels so, well never have we thought the reason for this feeling.

When we are happy and in a jolly mood, we usually fail to see how fast the time is passing by, we are in such a state that it looks like that time has stood still. How many time do we ever look at the watch and say, "Oh! Its already 2 days, whereas it looks like just two hours". Its a human phenomenon that, we take in wht we like while we leave the rest. So, when we are having a gala time we don't notice the duration, we just want to enjoy that part of our life, irrespective of the duration, because though the duration maybe days, weeks, years or seconds; they always look like a moment that was too short.

When we are facing hard times, we always look back and say "Oh my! When is my time gonna change....". In this context though we are facing hardship for a smaller period, but our restlessness makes even that duration too long. And during that phase our cribbling and groaning makes the things worse. Everything in this world has got two sides and even those two sides are relative. there si nothing absolute in this world not even time, so why regret over things be it good and bad.

Just live life in the most beautiful way as it seems to you, without having any negative influence on your environment and take the reins of time in your hand. As, I say :

" Don't let the times test you, You test the time"

hii....

2007-07-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

"The world says writing is the best method to express yourself, I say writing from heart as the best form of writing, As then you heart says and people listen... "

Things all around me are going in the rather same fashion for past few weeks. There has been nothing exciting event going around the place. Last weekend I had been to my home, I had a good time there. But as usual things keep on changing, nothing is constant, so am back here in my office and trying to work ;)

I usually try to update or write something here earlier when I as at home or at some palce where I had peace and thoughts came to me freely but today I just had the feeling to write something and that was going to be something written here. Its now advent of monsoons in India, and really I get sometimes fed up with all rains and the puddle it creates. There is such a lot of water logging in gurgaon, that you cant really go anywhere. Its such a mess out here. Well, well... reat nothing more to write... now that I really dont have anything to put down, so will put down something interesting later on....

till then take care

bbye

Manish

Bas chal raha hun...

2007-06-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

Its been like ages when I last wrote something here... i like this place very much as here I am able to vent out my feeling when sometimes am not able to... Life is always a mystery for the one who lives it... and same is the case with me... anytime I prepare myself for something and my life takes a twist n turn.... There is too much to say and too less words I knw which would help me to express myself... as though I am preparing for MBA but my vocab is exploring scaling newer heights in negative axis....
Whats more to say things are in such a turmoil.. that even I dont knw where am heading to... to many things have happened in such a short notice that its difficult to think where to start and where to end.... I had not been well for past few weeks had fever and cough n cold... but since last week I had been on medication and now am fine.... last week has been a lil heavy for me i was not well... advised rest by doc and then was doing nothing means nothing at all... it was all so frustrating that you are reduced to sucha thing that u cant do anything... you cant go out of the house and hw much tv or net you can do.. it also has got its own limitations.. earlier wasnt allwoed to this.... well now its okie.. as have got well.. but still it feels alone and bad that there are no friends of yours here.. everyones working or studying at someplace or the other... things have changed quite a lot in last one year.. people have changed a lot.. those at that time had ample amount of time for you now dont even pick your call... those who njoyed partying are now drowning under work pressure... some marriages have been announced and some are waiting... many things have happened over the last one year.. even some people say that I ahve changed a lot.. but they never see how much they have changed.... I knw its wrong to blame someone entirely but still you cant always be the wrong one... but as one says life goes on and its going on....
chalo then take care...
god bless you all....
bbye....

Pictures...

2007-03-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

Today I was sitting most of the time on net and downloaded a lot of songs... also did take some pictures from net.... so posting them only... baaki tha to bahut kuch kahne ko.. par pata nahi kuch bol nahi pa raha hoon... neway... here are the pics....

Some of the beaches....

Life and me...

2007-03-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know why first of all I came here to write something. I know that I started of in a negative tone but can't help it... it look so bleak that am completely lost... Words are failing me, I want to express myself but am not able to... For past couple of days I have lost myself, my life's in turmoil, everything is going in the wrong direction.... I had my Nitie gdpi's but due to my health wasn't able to attend that... at my company I am without any project.... am having fights with my friends and here I am don't know what am I doing here.... I want to leave all this and be calm and peaceful but thats the thing I lack in my life.... My health is always too good for me... have got a terrible headache at this moment but still don't want to rest as though..... Feeling so alone... all so alone that sometimes I think what my life is meant for... I am not able to understand anyone nor anyone wants to understand me.... people become my friend and then when I need their friendship I am all alone... all alone to fight with myself... my own self.. that self that has got no meaning for others... and day by day its losing its meaning for me...
My life has become such a dull spot that it sucks.... all I want is some peace but thats the thing that eludes me... I feel like crying but now even tears fail me... As I myself am a big loser in many ways... people have someone when they are in need of a friend or support and here I am standing all alone.. all alone in this world... with no one when I need some help... when I need someone on whose shoulder I could keep my head and cry.... with whom I can talk my heart out but alas.. life my life has got no such luxury.... whenever it needs someone desperately everyone's busy or having his/her own problems... Am I not a human being who need someone one... or its just that am too good to get any support.... Don't know... well am still having a fantastic headache... and am not able to write anymore..... anymore.... anymore......

My life

2007-02-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

Just now only I had written something on my other blog. Actually for a past few days I dont know whats been happening to me.... but everything seemed to be on the wrong side. I was havin a bad time... was feeling alone and sad. There were friends but they all seemed too distant. Nothing was going right... nothin... still I dont know what I want to say and what I am sayin. The feeling of being lost is terrible and the more u run from it the more it comes to you. For past three months I was cut off from this world and really I was missing it a lot... there have been lot of things going around me... I wanted to tell someone but no one was there.... I dont know why... Why life like that... Why does it say that the more you laugh, the double you'll have to cry... why cant be it like that the more you laugh.... the more there will be smiles and happiness.... I want everything to be good.... I want to relax... to rest.... I want to be me.... I want to be myself..... I just want to........

Don't know the feeling...

2006-12-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a while that I have blogged..... blame it on my schedule or lack of resources or my own personal lack of will to do so. For past two weeks am hanging in the midst of feeling happy as well as sad... or rather I must say alone.... The feeling comes n goes always keeping me in the middle of the road ... the road that leads to nowhere or rather everywhere. Things are moving around me... but still everything is at standstill,,,,, it looks like that I have stopped living. People around me are good... but still there is a feeling of emptiness..... it all looks to artificial... am just looking for natural happiness. Only one thought comes to my mind.... What I wanted and what hae i got.... I never came for this here... that I have got.... Even at this moment I am sitting in my class and after quie a lot of days I got to access net.... was happy to get the access but now am feelin all drained out.... dont knw why. Yesterday, I had been to my hometown for my brothers wedding, was all happy n jovial there. Everyone was smiling but still something was missing. Well.... let me say something else..... My life is in turmoil.... looks like am losing my friends.... friends close to my heart...but then thats life.... like... What has come has to go.... Nothing is yours..... the time well spent is life lived...... rest what u did not get was never yours..... Sometimes these words look too good... but sometimes they make your heart bleed.... the blood comes through the eyes.... the eyes are closed ... closed to the heart.... I don't know myself.....

Neither my end nor my start......

What is said is said is done.....

I don't remember if I am someone....

I want to live, live a life beautiful...

I want to rest n b peaceful....

Peace is my motive and peace is my aim....

Peace is all I want, N thats y I came....

Just like that...

2006-10-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

Ha!!! phew... it had been quite a hectic week for me.... for the whole of the week I did nothing and still I was very busy.... I didn't have time for anything pata nahin kya hau tha par bahut kaam tha :D

Well today also was inline with my busy week... woke up at 7.30... got out of bed at 8.44 , as on sundays I have to give my mock cats.... was trying to get out of the feeling that today I dont want to give the exam...spent 15mins in that :D ... uske baad my friend came at my place (as both of us go together)... I as usual was still not ready and my friend has got no problems with that till the time he surfs on net :P

9.40 ... we left my place...
9.45 we reached the test centre....
9.50 searching for a hall to write the test....
9.58 still searching...
10.02 both of us got our seats...
Test can begin now at any moment... :O

10.15 Still test about to begin... till the time we chatted and prayed (Hey Bhagwan is baar acche number dila dena agli baar padhke aaunga ;))

10.20 Now bored as no good face to look in the class :D
10.21 We were given the OMR's
10.25 At last the test begins.....

Holy god whats this!!!! 225 ques ??????????????
Is this paper meant for 5 hrs or 2.5 hrs....
Time 2.5hrs... :(
Chalo ab paper chalo kiya.... kuch samajh nahin aaya to best thing go to the verbal and reading section and do timepass....

12.55 Test over and OMR's handed back to the invigilator....
1.00 Out of the classroom... into the dank corridor...
1.15 chatting with frnds....

1.30 back at home... my friend leaves for his home... today both of us are not in the mood to check our papers, so best left undone....

Ab phir kya tha lunch liya aur then Dad ke saath went for some shopping kuch meri aur kuch gharwaalon ki....
Went to the market and bought the things... a hell lot of my valuable time is consumed.... par theek hai ghar waalon ke liye inna sacrifice kar diya...
Well bought for myself two formal shirts and two trousers :D (kaafi acchi feeling aa rahi thi uske baad... like time well spent)

4.45 Got down at DreamLand saloon ;) for a haircut.... slept for a min or two while the barbar was clearing the top of my head :P

5.15 Uske baad ghar aake had a bath and then started to pack suitcase for my father as he was going out station....
So till 8.00 kuch kuch kaam chalo tha....
then had my supper and watched TV... talked with my sister...

At 9.00 went to station to see off dad....
9.20 again bak to home....
9.40 blog updated with the poem....
and then writing this post.....

Will try to sleep early today as have got a class tomorrow at 6.00 in the morning.... (God bless me...)

Chalo ab main jaata hoon....
bbye...
Good night
Manish :)

A wonderfool day...

2006-10-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

Kaafi dino se soch raha tha ki roz mein jaldi uthunga par har baar ki tarha aaj bhi mein late utha. Raat ko jaldi sone ka socho to aur bhi der ho jaati hai, to ab aap he batao mein subah jaldi kaise uth sakta hoon.Bas am still tryin to get this task done. Today I woke up at 6:41 but then how could Manish get up at this time No... this is not right, so I had to sleep for some more time and then I got up. As usual had got nothnin much to do... so just picked up the cell and gave my frnds a msd call ( well well thats my usual routine) Time : 8.15

So my day has now begun. Abhi kuch khas nahi kiya hai, kuch karne ko bhi nahin hai... So started doing my morning abultions, after that talked with my frnd for 10mins and again was sittin idle. So thought to write my stupid and boring morning routine. Bas abhi inna he... if something interesting crops up i'll let u knw about it. Till then you all have a great time and I too will hav a great time ;)

Take care n Have a nice day...

Something new...

2006-09-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been a hell lot of boring for me. I was in exploring the great depths of laziness and god knows what I was thinkin. So then I thought that I shud start another blog and lo here's am with it. Actually I had started two blogs with wordpress but its style did not suit me, bas phir kya apan ne kaha ki yaar blogger rocks and bana daala ispe naya blog. This was done so that now my old blog will contain poems while all the rest of the matter will b in this blog. So, am now ready to start posting and making your life hell with my ultimate sense of humour ( kuch log isse PJ's bhi kehete hai, par ab heera to johri he pehechanta hai na ;) ).Thats all for my intro and first post....

Tc N Hope to C ya soon....
Yours and Mine ;)
Manish

P.s. Ab kya bataun, bahut choti post lag rahi thi to ek pic bhi daal di :D